I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
