it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Threesome in a minivan. New low
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
