i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
