just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
