I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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