I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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