I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
