dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize