take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
