I hate all girls vehemently.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
