He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize