I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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