Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
