True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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