Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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