remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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