I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
