I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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