btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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