Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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