he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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