So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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