yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
