We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Houston, we have a blender
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
