If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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