Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
