If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
