My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
