I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
