Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick

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(518): View more from New York

He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.

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(972): View more from Texas

I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.

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(951): View more from California

My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"

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(757): View more from Virginia

Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.

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(440): View more from Ohio

So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.

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(913): View more from Kansas

That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk

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(518): View more from New York

YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?

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