I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
my poor anus
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He did a backflip because drugs
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