After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
