mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
