he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
