a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
