you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
