my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
