ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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