My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
my poor anus
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
