I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
whose ass print is on the piano?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
