he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
