now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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