If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
