final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
