I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
