i was born a porn star she said
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
