You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
