Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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