Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
