you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
