dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
