so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
