I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
