you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
