I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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