You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dignity is for republicans.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
