my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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