If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
