I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
