Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
