Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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