If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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