Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
