just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
