Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
