Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Enjoy the penises
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
