That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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