Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Less talking, more tequila
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
