Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
