yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize