I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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