if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
