no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Everyone says I win the strip club
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
When are your genitals available?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
