I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize