remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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