don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize