she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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