I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
