It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
